40 Days for Life - Day 8

It's hard to believe that tomorrow will be my second time to pray at the vigil. And it looks like the weather is supposed to be much warmer than last week. I may even wear my flip flops!!!

There has been a lot of activity nationwide just during this first week of 40 Days! God is working with us. I love the intention for today because I feel that God has given me zeal to participate in not only this prayer vigil but to also go on and help out in other ways. And the ending prayer speaks so well to what this 40 Days is all about. We are not there to judge, harrass or debate. Only to pray that those seeking abortion will allow the Holy Spirit to change their hearts.

Here is a picture of a precious little one who was brought into the world instead of removed from it by abortion.

Here's his story:

Baby's Name: Isaiah Hardwick
Baby's DOB: October 30, 2000
Baby's Weight: 7lbs 10oz
I could not believe it when I saw the stick turn pink. How could I be pregnant yet again. You see, I placed my first child, Emily, in an open adoption in 1998. How could I do this again?

I called his Father, Michael, in distress. Over the phone I blurted out that I was pregnant. I was met with silence. Finally, when I burst into tears he spoke. "What are we going to do? Are you sure you are pregnant?"

"Of course I am sure" I snapped back through my tears! I was waiting for him to ask the infamous question and he did. "Are you sure it is mine?"

"Yes, I wouldn't involve you in this if I was not sure" And I wouldn't of. I am not into emotional mind games.
"We have to abort!" I cried. My heart broke to even utter the words. You see, I have always been prolife.

Six months earlier I trained at a local Crisis Pregnancy Center. I knew hat I should be there...for some reason. When it came time to actually volunteer...I did not feel lead to do so. It was as if I was only there to learn from the classes. "Why, I asked myself, am I here?"

"To save the life of your next child." Was the reply. I shook it off.

The day I found out I was pregnant, those words haunted me. I know so much, I have talked with women who have or were intending on aborting...how could I?

Over the next few weeks, I stayed emotionally numb. I had to. I had to deny a part of myself, my mothering instinct. Whenever it would try to arise, I would push it down in a deep corner. I had to...If I allowed it to surface, I could never go through with it.

The Father and I continued to talk, but only because I went to my old job, where we met and he still worked. He promised to call me, but never did.

I began to research on the internet about the actual process...and what others who have been through it have said. I believe I cried for a week straight. I would curl in a ball and sob. I found heart wrenching stories. Countless.

These women were treated as cattle. Instead of someone listening to them...they saw them as a commodity. The physical pain they endured through the 'procedure' was nothing compared to the after effects emotionally. Abortion: One dead. One wounded.

Could I do this? What would people think of me? I gave one child up, and here I am doing it again. I am such a mistake, for that is all I can seem to do right, make mistakes.

I became very suicidal. I couldn't tell my Mother, my family. I didn't tell many people for the first four months. I felt utterly alone.

I had a plan. I knew how I would end my life. I wrote a letter...to my Mother. What got me out of that was the thought of breaking my Mothers heart to no repair. I love her. I can disappoint her, but I could not break her heart.

The Father continued to pressure me to abort. I was changing my mind, slowly. I was becoming a feeling person again. He could not have another baby he would say over and over again.

I even named the baby. I always knew it was a baby, not a piece of tissue. Elijah. I even put his name in a memorial for aborted and miscarried babies.
When I decided not to abort him, at three months along. I changed his name to Isaiah.

I then talked to many online, what I call, angels. They talked to me, informed me and reminded me the truths I knew deep inside. That I loved this baby, my baby. He needed me, he depended on me. I was his Mother.

When I told the Father I was going to give this child life, he became very upset. He was convinced that I was trying to ruin his life! What life, I thought. He had two other children. His life consisted of drugs and partying. At the age of 26, he was not going to slow down. He was an abusive man, never kept a promise.

"Your life" I said. "Remember, I was on my way to going to the private college I have been dreaming of going to...I was going to start life over again." I tried to convince him this baby did not ask to be here..but does ask to have a chance to live. It was his right, and I would not take it away in the name of inconvenience.

The Father pulled away from me. He wanted to make this about him. We fought constantly. He promised many things, and broke them all. I was beginning to realize he would not stick around. I learned later he has another child on the way.

I was four months pregnant when I told my Mother I was pregnant. She is my role model, I adore my Mother. For the past few months, I was sure she would disown me. Well, I have learned never to doubt a Mother's unconditional love. She was upset, of course. We are closer than ever. I lived under the fear of being disowned for no reason.

The rest of my family were supportive also. It was a big relief to me.

At five months pregnant, just before Father's Day, I gave the Father a card. Inside I wrote a letter to him from the baby's point of view along with a sonogram photo.

Two days later, he left my life and I have not heard or seen him since.

That letter that I put inside the card is now one of my most popular submissions on Themestream.

I continued the pregnancy without him. I was falling in love with this child more and more each day. I decided to parent him and prepared for his arrival.

I counseled with friends on the internet and even received gifts from people I had met. I even was sent a brand new crib and mattress!

People, strangers even, came through for my baby and I. Even 'Abortion TV' had send me a wonderful generous gift. It is easy to say you are pro-life, but to get out there and help a woman in need speaks volumes.

One day, I received a package in the mail. It was sent from the memorial I had put my, so I thought, soon to be aborted babies name in. As I held the piece of paper, which represented death, I thought of the child within me, he is alive.
On October 30, 2000 my beautiful son made his entrance into the world! He has changed my life more than I could have ever known.

My family adores him. I enjoy watching them love and fall all over him. They have helped me with diapers and clothing and such. I feel confident about the future.

I find some nights I creep to his bassinet and just watch him sleep. I gaze at his every detail...the curve of his tiny nose...the pattern of his sandy hair. His every breath is a blessing. Knowing that I had the right to take that away from him in the name of 'choice'. What about his choice?

Isaiah is the miracle I did not know I needed.

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Intention:

We pray for a renewal of our zeal to offer generous help to the unborn and their families.

Scripture:

If I have despised the cause of my male or female servant When they complained against me, What then shall I do when God rises up? When He punishes, how shall I answer Him? Did not He who made me in the womb make them? Did not the same One fashion us in the womb?

-- Job 31:13-15

Reflection:

The ground is level as we stand before God.

Job lived with an awe provoking sense of God's expectation of him, particularly regarding his obligation to care for the weak and needy. He knew that in God's economy everyone stands on level ground when it comes to our status as God's creatures. Because of that central truth, we must take care of each other.

Job also knew that he didn't deserve any of the good things God gave to him. Instead, those blessings came to Job from God's benevolent heart. As an extension of that knowledge, Job instinctively linked his obligation to be generous to others to God's kindness toward him.

As in Jesus' parable of the unmerciful servant (Matthew 18:23-35), Job knew that it is an egregious sin to deny to others what we enjoy ourselves. He actually calls down on his own head severe condemnation and even punishment should he fail to share with others out of his own abundance (see verses 16-23).

Proverbs 3:27 reads, "Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do so." Some things are so obvious that we don't even need to pray except to ask of God forgiveness and the power to do what so obviously needs doing.

Prayer:

God, forgive us when we try to explain away the obligation we have to help others who need help. Enable us to not devalue them because they are in the circumstance that they are in, but to see them for what they are, those, who like us, were formed by your hand in their mother's womb. Amen.